Samurais and Pirates (DirkJake)
by brooktheshadowhunter
Summary: DirkJake. Sort of an AU, I guess? bully!Dirk. I've never written any of the Alpha Kids before, so I may not be very good at it. I'm not as experienced with them as I am with the Beta Kids.


Cool.

That was a word used to describe Jake English when he entered kindergarten, believe it or not. Cool Kid English. He was the epitome of popularity, or as close to "popular" as a five year old boy could get. Which was pretty damn popular. None of the other kids knew how to play pretend quite as wholeheartedly as Jake did, and they were left in awe.

"Madam Lalonde," he would say to the blonde girl in his class, sheathing the plastic gun in his belt. He bent over in a bow, which always made her giggle. "Would you please be my princess and let me to protect you from the terrible wrath of Dr. Evil Pirate Overlord?"

Obviously, she had no idea what half of those words meant. Obviously, she accepted. He gave her a grin, all white teeth and dimples and chubby cheeks. He took her by the hand and led her outside for recess time, aware of the throng of six-year-old kids following closely behind. When he cupped his hands around his mouth and asked who would like to be Dr. Evil Pirate Overlord ("Mind you, it doesn't mean you're _really _evil and I like you just the same!"), he couldn't help but smile at all the raised hands and hollering. Some of the girls even shouted requests of being the princess instead of Roxy, which Jake blatantly refused of them. Roxy was his favorite, even if he'd never say anything to the others. He was eventually able to pick a strapping young man to be his Dr. Evil Pirate Overlord, and promptly began their adventure.

Even the teachers gathered around to watch their improv battle, shooting at each other and shouting false-threatening insults. Eventually he had killed Dr. Evil Pirate Overlord (or _put him to sleep_, as Ms. Georgia so kindly corrected) and saved Princess Roxy. This whole ordeal had earned a massive round of applause from their audience, but Jake was humble. All in a day's work, after all.

He really was Cool Kid English. During recess, all the kids would crowd around and practically beg to be his damsel in distress. Even the boys, which secretly made Jake very happy, because he didn't discriminate here! He had damsels and dames and princesses and princes and, once, he had even convinced Ms. Georgia to be his queen!

When second grade rolled around, the other boys had learned about a game called kickball and the girls found a sudden interest spike in the game foursquare. Still, Jake had quite the crowd and he showed off his adventures to them. Those who took interest in other games still fought to sit next to him at lunch and during class. Hell, he even had the youngest girl in his grade calling him Mr. English, which totally surprised him but he couldn't help the little bit of pride that grew inside his chest.

Third grade was much the same, only the teachers had long since became bored with his adorably strange antics and went back to their shaded picnic table, occasionally paying him worried glances. Jake couldn't even fathom why. They must have something against adventurers, he decided. Just a bunch of no-good scalawags wanting to steal his lads and lasses.

In fourth grade, he had received his first confession from a small girl he'd known for a while. He put her down as easy as any gentlemanly ten year old could, although he was pretty inexperienced in all this. Even still, he had a fairly broad group of friends, and an even broader group of admirers.

Fifth grade, the confessions were coming in a pretty regular stream. With each one, he would hug them and tell them that he thought they were really beautiful, but his mom just wouldn't let him date people. The lying was tearing him up. But as much as he tried to feel terrible for hurting their feelings, Jake couldn't help but get a warm sense of smugness at how much people seemed to love him. He'd never tell anyone, though, no way.

Sixth grade was the last year of elementary school. People still fussed over him, he still played pretend at recess. Once, he witnessed two boys get into a wrestling match over who got to be his partner in science class. Subsequently, the teacher broke it up, but Jake swore his heart physically swelled. Golly, he really was popular, wasn't he?

That was when everything came crashing down.

Half way through the year, they got a new student. His name was Dirk Strider, and he was _cool_. Just the mere mention of his name sounded cool. _Dirk Strider_. He wore sunglasses indoors. He had spiky hair. He didn't talk much, but when he did, the only things that came out of his mouth were really cool things. People started sitting by him at lunch and during class. He told really cool stories, stories about samurais and ninjas. Nobody dared to say it, but his tales of stealth and katanas were cooler than Jake's adventures and pirates. People started crowding him at recess.

Jake was jealous. He couldn't help it. He hated Dirk, hated him for stealing away his friends and leaving him with almost nothing. He tried to be positive, to be nice. He really did. The only people who still played with him at recess were Roxy, and sometimes, a girl named Jane who Roxy said was her best friend. Granted, people still jostled him in the hallways and opened doors for him and spoke to him during free time, but he couldn't help but feel that everything was being taken away. Less people invited him over on the weekends. They invited Dirk instead. And now Roxy, the only real friend he'd had since kindergarten, had a new best friend. He hated Dirk Strider for taking away his popularity, and he hated Jane Crocker for stealing his Roxy, and he hated his classmates for leaving him so easily, and, well, he hated everything, to put it simply.

And, really, all these negative feelings made Jake feel like complete and utter shit. For a little while, at least.

He did hate Dirk, but he knew that his reasons were stupid and idiotic and didn't make any sense at all. It was a week before spring break before these thoughts changed, however.

"Hey, Aranea!" he shouted to the girl, an overeager smile on his face, bending over in one of his complimentary bows. "Would you like to be the princess at recess? I could save you from the evil Queen Roxy!"

When she laughed, Jake noticed that it sounded the slightest bit forced. Maybe, he thought, she was having a rough day, and being a princess would help clear her mind! Her voice came out as loud and sure as ever. "Oh, hey, Jake! I would love to be your princess. I know the only princess you've had for a while has been Roxy, right? Sounds like a plan, I'll see you then!"

The warning bell rang and Jake jumped a little, which made her laugh yet again. "Gosh, okay!" he chuckled a little, "I'll see you-"

He stopped mid-sentence when he noticed Dirk Strider walking towards them. He was followed by a group of four boys. Four boys that Jake used to know, used to be friends with. Two of them smiled and waved at him, but the other two just looked unsure. Dirk stared at him through his triangle shades, mouth in a straight line and looking at him until he turned his gaze to Aranea.

"What're you doin' with this kid, Aranea?" he snorted. The other boys chuckled and Jake was confused. Who was he even talking about? Surely not him.

Aranea looked utterly startled, snapping her gaze from Jake to Dirk and back again. "Sorry? He just wanted me to play at recess! It's not a big deal. That was the warning bell, anyway, so..." The jabbed her thumb towards the general direction of her next class. She turned on her heels and gave Jake an apologetic look on her way.

Jake wasn't sure why she looked so sorry until he looked up at Dirk's glasses and cocked his head. Dirk was actually _sneering_ at him. Jake hadn't ever had anyone do that before. "Oh gee, you know, Aranea is right!" He smiled. "Now really isn't the time to chew the fat, if I do say so myself. Wouldn't want to earn myself a tardy slip and I'm sure you guys wouldn't either. I guess I'll be seeing you around, eh?"

Jake thought he must have said something really funny when Dirk snorted again. "You're such a fucking dork," the coolkid said. Jake couldn't help the grin growing on his face. Dork was definitely good, yes. He was nothing but elated that Dirk actually seemed to like him, even if he was saying words Jake didn't know. Fucking? Dirk apparently noticed the goofy smile and his sneer deepened. "No, what the fuck? You are literally the biggest pushover, I'm amazed. Dork is a _bad thing_. I don't see why you have that stupid smile on your face. Listen, I don't really have anything against you, English. Maybe a little. I just kind of wanted to give you a little heads up. You're a fucking loser. The biggest loser. Stop playing around at recess, it's so lame. More lame than Nic Cage and Harrison Ford performing a live-action musical duet of Indiana Jones: Declaration Defender."

His smile faltered momentarily. "Those movies totally rock, chum!"

"There's another thing," said Dirk, crossing his arms and shifting his weight onto the other foot. "You're so goddamn weird. What's with all the chum, and blimey, and golly gosh gee whizbang, or whatever the fuck it is you say? You sound like an elderly woman."

"I live with my grandmother, you know!"

"No, I didn't know. I didn't ever _want_ to know because, believe it or not, I don't give a shit."

The tardy bell rang, which caused Jake to jump again. "Er..."

"Whatever. I guess you should probably get to class, English." With that, he brushed past Jake, knocking their shoulders together on his way.

Jake was astonished. Nobody had ever said things like that to him before. He only said a bad word once, when his grandma had fallen asleep on the couch and left her soap opera playing, and he overheard one of the ladies uttering something that sounded like "damn!" He had spent the rest of the night repeating the word to himself and when he told his grandmother to pass him the damn eggs the next morning, she nearly dropped the salt shaker she had been holding and promptly reprimanded him. But then there he was, receiving an earful of terrible language and he couldn't help but think his grandma would probably be having a heart attack if she'd heard Dirk just now.

Slowly, he slinked away to math class, mouth agape in wonder and fingers plucking nervously at the plastic shielding over his binder. He really, truly had no idea what the hell that was about. He couldn't remember uttering two words to the guy, there was no way he would've had the right to be rude to Jake like that.

Man, a lot of people really were having bad days!

At recess, Jake waited by the biggest tree in the playground, scanning the entire space for Aranea. He spotted her talking to one of her friends and chewing on her lip a few yards away just as Roxy approached him, followed closely by Jane.

"Hey, Jakey," she smiled her lopsided grin. She followed his gaze over to Aranea. "Thought you said Aranea was gonna play with us, hmm?"

"Yeah. Guess not. It's all fine and dandy, though! She probably wants to play with her other friends and whatnot today."

"Alrighty. I can be the Evil Ninja Samurai, and Janey, you'll be the princess."

Jake breathed out sharply and looked at her, releasing a breathy laugh. "Why Ninja Samurai? Wouldn't you much prefer being a pirate?"

She shrugged. "Anyways, let's go." She lowered herself into a fighter stance, or as close to one as she was able, and held out her invisible nunchucks to Jake, pushing Jane behind her.

He just blinked a few times until she got the hint and resumed her regular posture. "What's up, Jake?" she asked, genuinely worried, throwing an arm around his shoulders. "You love playing adventures."

"I don't want to play today," he admitted. "I was just—What do you think of Dirk?"

"Dirk Strider?" she looked bemused and tapped a finger to her chin. "Um… huh. I haven't talked to him much. He's super cute. He looks kind of dangerous, you know what I mean? I like him."

Jake couldn't help it when his heart sank ever-so-slightly. "Roxy… A-and you too, Jane. Do you reckon it's—weird? My adventures?"

For a moment, they were silent and he could almost feel his heart sinking into the pit of his stomach. Jane was the first to speak. "No."

"Jake…" Roxy sighed, making eye contact with Jane, who shrugged. "I—I don't really think it's _that _weird, yanno? But, uh, people are talking. It was cute in third grade, Jakey, but they're saying how… Well, it's just getting a little immature and now is about the time where everyone is trying to act older than they are, so they're just kind of. Talking. About you. A lot."

"Is it Dirk?"

When neither of them looked as if they knew what he was talking about, Jake continued. "Did Dirk start it? Did he start saying stuff about me?"

They glanced at each other again. Jake hated that. "Hey, we're going to go play foursquare with the others, so catch you later, Jake!" Roxy said with a grin as she and Jane backed away.

The end of the year couldn't come soon enough. When the last day of school rolled around, as most of the other kids cried over losing their friends at a new school, Jake was absolutely elated. All his life, he'd been popular and happy and he'd been accepted for being himself and only himself. But then Dirk came around. People stopped sitting with him during class altogether. He had to beg to find a partner for projects. Nobody called on him to read in class. During recess, he would sit behind the big tree alone, sometimes vaguely gesturing to the adventures inside his head. Roxy and Jane stopped playing with him; they played foursquare and dodgeball with the others. Once, Jake had tried playing dodgeball with the boys, but they had actually shunned him. They'd seriously told him to essentially piss off, he wasn't wanted there. He could see people whispering behind his back. Dirk had confronted him countless more times.

Being optimistic about this was getting hard.

He was the first one out the building on the last day of school, racing towards the bus. Today, it didn't even matter that nobody was going to sit by him. He just wanted to get off, get home, take out his plastic guns, and go on the longest adventure to the park he'd ever had.

This summer was going to be great.

**I didn't check over this. It's like 2k+ words and I'm lazy. Sorry ^-^**


End file.
